Grandpa Dug A Well...And Found A Legacy

In 1905 a young, barely 19 year old Norwegian boy stepped off of a ship with hundreds of other immigrants to Ellis Island in New York's busy harbor, eyes wide and bright.  Born in 1886 to humble surroundings in Arendal Norway, Ole had heard of the freedom and riches of America since he was a young boy, how someone with no family wealth or station had the opportunity to work hard and enjoy the fruit of his labor.

By 1912 Ole had met a Norwegian girl from Arendal named Andora at a local Lutheran church, they married and began a family.  Years earlier with the help of other family that had immigrated prior to him, he started work as a carpenter and worked at one of the many shipyards that dotted the harbors of Manhattan and Brooklyn.

My mom is the littlest girl in this picture

By 1926 Ole had several daughters and began building a small cottage in Hopewell Junction New York in the Hudson River Valley area, also know as Fishkill.  By now you've figured out that Ole is my grandfather and while I wasn't born until some forty years later in the 1960's, I began enjoying his mountain home soon after I was born.  I can only imagine that in his heart and grandma's they longed for the mountain terrain that they had known in Norway, especially during the crowded and hot Brooklyn summers.  It's not uncommon even now in Norway for families to have a second small home in the mountains that they visit in the summertime. 

Then

My earliest memories begin in the summers with grandpa and grandma and my family.  At that time, we used an outhouse for a bathroom and a well for drinking water.  In fact, one of the first things grandpa did once he decided to build on this land was to dig for water, as I'm sure was common in that day, since a clean and dependable water source was crucial when considering building a home.  Our days were filled with playing in the woods, burning the trash (my favorite chore) and picking fresh berries for grandma to can or to make some delicious pie or pudding.

Now

My family and I recently visited the cottage lovingly updated and beautifully kept by my cousin and his wife.  They've raised their children there and are enjoying semi-retirement.  I hadn't been there in nearly 20 years and afterward my mind began to wander.

I wondered whether grandpa had ever thought while digging that well that generations to follow would be enjoying his home years later.  I wondered if he viewed his life generationally, if they ever comprehended the men and women that would be born through he and grandma.  I wondered if he realized that with six daughters he would have eighteen grandchildren and over forty great grandchildren.  I suspect they did, since my sister said that once grandma had told her that she had prayed for her grandchildren before they were born.  Grandpa and grandma weren't fancy, but rather simple, God-loving Lutherans, he a craftsman carpenter, she a homemaker and before that a cleaning maid for the wealthier women of New York City.  Yet, through their simplicity and steadfastness they remained married for over sixty years and produced a legacy of faithfulness to God.  Subsequently, through their lives and marriage they passed down to their lineage a devotion to faith and marriage that, has seemed to anchor the 25 plus marriages that were to proceed them.  I haven't deciphered exactly what the source of their stability was that flowed from these two, but I have suspected that their Christian faith, a strong community of believers and simple living were significant contributors.

These are some of Ole & Andora's grandchildren and great grandchildren through his 6th and youngest daughter my mom (center).

I stand grateful that I was down stream from these two.  I can't begin to recount the many blessings that I enjoy because of what they sowed into their children and grandchildren. 

I heard recently that when God wants to make a mushroom he waits 6 hours but when he wants to make a oak tree he waits 60 years.  God plus time makes beautiful things.

No, Is A Holy Word

Over the years I've taught my family a phrase that now get's repeated to me often, 

"No...is a holy word." 

Enjoying a "Dad versus Wild" Outing

With a large family there are MANY opportunities to do alot of things, often alot of  "good" things.  In fact, I often think I've earned a masters degree in logistics or decision analysis with this bunch.  But anyone with a family or a business understands that when you say "yes" to something, you're are likely, often times without knowing it, saying "no" to something else.  

My other thought here is, as Jim Collins says in his book Good TO Great, "Good is the enemy of great".  He suggests for instance that, we don't have great families because we've settled for good families or we don't have great relationships because we somewhere decided to settle for good relationships, we don't have great churches because we have good churches.  Good is your enemy of great. 


When we settle for good we've left something wonderful that will never be discovered, left unwrapped, possibly forever.  When we say no to things that may not pertain to our focus area or family calling it leaves our brain/soul space or weekly schedule open to that which makes us come alive, possibly that which we were born to do, be, become.  Besides, who says that every stitch of time needs to be filled with activity?  In fact, for some people their constant activity is likely a sign of other troubles.


From another angle, my wife's wonderful saying, which often pertains to our children is; "Everyone needs their daily dose of vitamin NO.  I like this, it helps them know, that despite how much we love them, hug them and would storm hell with a water pistol for them...life is not about them and the world does not revolve around them.


So what kind of things do you say no to that brings life to your family?

Never Go Alone

One of my sweetie's at Home Depot

People often ask me "how do you have time to spend quality time with each child?"  While I don't have a complete answer for this post, one motto I use is, "never go alone".  I work out of the home and travel at times, therefore home-time is very important to me.  No doubt there are constant needs, work to be done, things to fix.  But I've found that the moments that are uniquely special are when I'm working on projects around the house and I find a way have some of the children help me.  While having some "helpers" can suddenly make a one-hour project twice as long, there is so much exchanged with your child when they "do it with you or go with you".

Dad enlarging the house, circa 1973

Some of my fondest memories is doing stuff with my dad.  He was the ultimate handyman around the house and, unlike me, could do virtually anything; carpentry, plumbing, tile work, etc.  So when I need to head to Home Depot or make a quick trip I always try to take a child (or two or three).  Yes, it can be frustrating if you're the kind of person like me who likes to just get things checked-off the list quickly.  But if you think a little more strategically you can check things off and father your child's heart.  While not a complete list, here's a few things that can be accomplished "along the way".

1) You can talk about the business your visiting and how it makes money.
2) You can explain the tools you're using and give them some hands-on experiences.
3) You can talk about the people who work at the business.
4) You can demonstrate to them that whatever you're doing, you can have the joy of the Lord, even if a project gets frustrating or doesn't go the way you planned.

Time for Mums

So my encouragement is; never go alone.

Thanks for visiting.

What A Difference A Year Makes

Our little Mattie just turned one November 20th. My wife and I have said frequently to each other these last few weeks how grateful we are to be in "this" year versus "last" year. Last year at this time was full of tough news, unknown's and lots of medical terminology. This year, with 12 months of perspective to enjoy, we feel like we're the lucky ones and everyone who doesn't have a Down Syndrome child is missing out. She and I often share a smile with each other when we're around him and I always know the message we're telegraphing, "We've got a gift few others get, aren't we the lucky one's". Having Mattie in our lives makes us feel special, trusted, like God has deposited a very large sum in our accounts and we better not brag. You can call it misguided or delusional...but we just smile.

Since it was so meaningful and for our family records, I cut and pasted the email string from last year beginning with Mattie's birth (down at bottom), the Down Syndrome news and his subsequent week in the hospital with RSV (at top). Grace & Peace

-----Original Message-----From: R
To: 
Sent: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 6:31 pm
Subject: Final Matthew Update
Dear Friends,

Thanks for your prayers! Matthew has been moved out of ICU to the pediatric floor, being treated with a minor amount of oxygen. We anticipate that he’ll be weaned off of this soon and, Lord willing, be brought home tomorrow. Rebecca is nursing him regularly and we’ve received great care. Though this will be the final update I send to you, we can’t begin to describe to you how grateful we are for your prayers, calls and emails of encouragement. In my ride to the hospital this morning, I was summarizing in my mind all the great lessons I believe we’ve learned from this week and have taken the liberty of elaborating below, however, feel free to stop reading here. I do this for my benefit due to that fact that I display a short memory when I receive good lessons, in no way am I attempting to preach to anyone.

With warmest regards,

R & R

The importance of spiritual family ~ while most of us appreciate that we can count on your biological family (and we do quite abit), God offers us another important family institution. As I remind my kids, “life is a team sport”, we’re just the devil’s bait without the support of spiritual family who over time become your close friends, allies and life team members. We’re so blessed with an abundance of close, key friends who I know, without hesitation would “take-a-bullet” for us and us for them – you can’t get much better than this! As I heard one friend share with me last night “Ron, we're in this with you guys…for life”. Wow, can anyone put the price tag on that sentence? Years of counseling, psychology books and pills, can’t cure a “loneliness wound” like high-worth words of this caliber from friends you’ve invested your life with.

Unfortunately, most people don’t invest in spiritual family because it seems too precarious and fraught with emotional danger – all true! I see it like car insurance – you hate paying those useless monthly premiums…until life throws you a curveball and you actually NEED all the benefits you gain from the policy, then you’re supremely thankful that the policy pays-out. Yet you risk much without spiritual family just like you do if you go without car insurance. Unfortunately most of us don’t realize the benefits because we terminate the process of connecting early on due to misunderstanding, hurt, etc. We forget about all the benefits that will accrue to us when we really need them later on in life.

Feelings are real, but can’t often be trusted. When life throws us a curveball whether it be a car accident, a Down Syndrome child or Monday morning traffic, our feelings can often surge out of control. While we need to acknowledge our feelings, we don’t need to embrace them like a 40 year mortgage. The only thing eternal is God’s word (Isaiah 40:8), everything else is temporary, especially our feelings. However, we’ve all been conditioned to listen and embrace them when we really need to be discipled and grounded in God’s word, viewing our feelings through His word.

Prayer changes things. Though it can appear to be a passive activity, we’re told that prayer generates energy (2 Chronicles 7:14) from the equation (humilit y + prayer – evil stuff = healing). Through praying with God’s word as our aid we acknowledge God’s ability over ours, releasing our fears and anxiety over to the maker of the universe.

Now for the weird stuff. About two weeks before Rebecca gave birth I was lying on my bed, I can’t remember what I was doing, but I think I was reading a John Grisham novel (an extremely rare activity). Just as naturally as having a conversation with friends, I heard the words “Down syndrome”. My response was a slight inward cringe, until I heard the following words “…but it will be okay”. Though I don’t hear the voice of God like this often, I instinctively knew it was Him, because I know other voices never encourage me. Down syndrome had never crossed my mind as it relates to our family, even after having eight children. Amazingly I forgot about this event, until Matthew was born and then I remembered it the moment I saw him. The next 30 minutes were very lonely as I waited for the medical staff to discover and inform Rebecca and only then sharing the above story with her. Yesterday Rebecca was at the hospital alone when the doctor came in with the official blood test results confirming Down syndrome, he then looked at her with caring eye’s and said “…but it will be okay”.

So what’s my lesson from this ~ like all of us, (especially business people), I often rely on my intellect only to inform me; Troubleshooting this, fixing that, living out of a Greek-styled logic and learned intuition to navigate life’s issues. However, an all-knowing God, who sees the beginning and the end, wants to inspire us with His thoughts, purposes and plans ( Luke 4:4). I realize again something very simple – I want more of his thoughts and less of mine. One word from Him changes everything.

Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2008 12:23 AM
Subject: RE: Matthew update

Friends,

Thanks for your prayers! Matthew is improving; however he is still in the ICU. His primary need now is to be weaned off of the level of oxygen that he requires to breathe by about 20%. Rebecca and I both got to hold him today and feed him a bottle of milk.

He’s receiving exceptional care and Rebecca and I are grateful to all of you for the time you spend praying for Matthew.

Strength & Honor,

R

Sent: Monday, December 01, 2008 2:52 PM

Matthew is stable, but still receiving treatment in pediatric ICU for a respiratory ailment called RSV (we brought him to the ER yesterday afternoon after a half-a-day of labored breathing). They are treating him with antibiotics and respiratory treatments, but think that he may be here another couple of nights. While they’ve been treating him medically, all of you have been given him prayer treatments – and we can’t thank you enough! Please continue to pray that his lungs clear, breathing regulates and that all viruses are removed.

Thanks for your love and care,

R & R

Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 9:02 AM
Subject: Mattie

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your love and prayers for Rebecca and Matthew. Soon after he was born last night the doctor informed us that he showed signs of Downs Syndrome. Looking back, we see that God had specifically prepared us for this news (more on this later).

We embrace Matthew (his name means gift of God), as God's gift to us. No doubt, now and in the future there are and will be emotions that are troubling and real issues to be dealt with, those we face in humble faith in Matthews loving God. However, our hope is high and we feel blessed, knowing that special moments, like hidden gems, await in each new day.

We love you and so appreciate you as our friends and family.

Strength & Honor,

R