Advice To A Young Man

Here's a recent note I wrote to my young nephew Josh who just joined the Army this week.  My wonderful sister and her husband had a going away party for him.  Since we were unable to be with them and knowing him from the time he was a young boy, I penned the following letter to him;

Dear Joshua,


The big day is nearing. Here a just a few thoughts for you to take with you.

1.  You will be tempted to quit, likely more than once. Don't.

2.  You will be tempted to do some things that wouldn't want anyone(especially your mother) to know. Don't.

3.  You will be tempted to think that God has stopped caring about you. Don't.

1. a) Know that much of life (thereby any sort of success) is just "showing-up" and getting the unglamourous things done, every day, the same way, without fail...not really fun. They are boring strokes that often times you think they mean nothing. They mean something - sometimes they mean EVERTHING. And anyone who has achieved anything finds a way to find glory in the mundane.


2. a)  Life is a test. We often fail the tests, but then (because of His love) God takes us through the class again. He never promotes to the next level until we pass the class we're in. You will be tested and tested and tested alot. You will be tempted to sin....alot.  If you think you can resist by yourself, you will learn that you are wrong...alot. The Christian life is a sport...a team sport, it is very dangerous to play by yourself.  Immediately, find a church, bible study, fellowship (you get the idea) to attend...alot, and stay with them.


3. a) You've been taught all of your life that God has a unique and special destiny for you life. Your name means "Yahweh will save".  In fact, your namesake (Joshua) 3,000 years ago had the guts, to enter dangerous territory for God's glory to secure his destiny. When the crowd would not go along with he and Caleb's plan, he stood against them, imploring them to take God at His word. But they were cowards and didn't want to believe God for His promises, they preferred to live safe, small and earthy lives. Live-up to your namestake - Joshua!

We love you, we're proud of you and know that you will make a great and courageous soldier. You are always welcome in our home.

Your Cornerman

At a recent kickboxing tournament my son was fighting in I grew more interested watching the cornermen coaching the fighters than watching the actual fights.  These were my first live, organized fights to attend, I had never been so close to action.  

Sometimes things get rough in the corner...

Fighting is analgous to life in so many ways.  There is nothing more raw than entering a ring and knowing that you alone will contend against one man.  It's not a team sport inside the ring, one man will dominate and one man will be defeated.  

Here's what struck me about the relationship between the fighter and his "corner".

The cornerman;

Knocked down...his corner coaching him to get up!

• wants you to win! He's invested in you in every way, has spent hours helping you perfect your skills and grow your ability.
• has a vantage point that the you cannot possess.  You have to trust that he sees and knows the truth about what you are and are not doing to win.
• is soley focused on you; nothing distracts him and you are his singular mission.
• has no time to mince words.  In the 60 seconds between rounds he tells you exactly what you need to do to win the fight.  
• is not trying to get you to like him, but soley wants you to survive and win the match.
• may have been a fighter, or maybe not.  One thing he knows however is what it takes to win in your fight.

Here's what I noticed about the fighters in relationship to their corners.

Cornerman giving quick instruction...

• they were in total dependence on their cornermen; they trusted them.
• they submitted to them, they understood their need for advice and physical support.
• there was no time for dialogue, the fighters listened to their coaches.
• most importantly, the fighter ask's for this type of relationship, he needs and wants a tough cornerman.

There was a moment in taking these images that I became envious of the fighters.  These men had the total attention of one man who at that moment knew what needed to be done and was invested in them to win.  How many guys in the ring of life have that; most want it desperately but don't know how or where to find it.  I contend that this kind of relationship is found in authentic brotherhood of Christian men who are willing to barenuckle each other with the truth.  Not because they want to dominate but because they love them and want them to win in life.

Your corner wants you to win!

Spiritually, for Christians, the Holy Spirit is our Counselor, and cornerman.  He's always coaching us toward winning in Christ and tells us the truth of ourselves and God.

Thanks for visiting.

What A Difference A Year Makes

Our little Mattie just turned one November 20th. My wife and I have said frequently to each other these last few weeks how grateful we are to be in "this" year versus "last" year. Last year at this time was full of tough news, unknown's and lots of medical terminology. This year, with 12 months of perspective to enjoy, we feel like we're the lucky ones and everyone who doesn't have a Down Syndrome child is missing out. She and I often share a smile with each other when we're around him and I always know the message we're telegraphing, "We've got a gift few others get, aren't we the lucky one's". Having Mattie in our lives makes us feel special, trusted, like God has deposited a very large sum in our accounts and we better not brag. You can call it misguided or delusional...but we just smile.

Since it was so meaningful and for our family records, I cut and pasted the email string from last year beginning with Mattie's birth (down at bottom), the Down Syndrome news and his subsequent week in the hospital with RSV (at top). Grace & Peace

-----Original Message-----From: R
To: 
Sent: Fri, 5 Dec 2008 6:31 pm
Subject: Final Matthew Update
Dear Friends,

Thanks for your prayers! Matthew has been moved out of ICU to the pediatric floor, being treated with a minor amount of oxygen. We anticipate that he’ll be weaned off of this soon and, Lord willing, be brought home tomorrow. Rebecca is nursing him regularly and we’ve received great care. Though this will be the final update I send to you, we can’t begin to describe to you how grateful we are for your prayers, calls and emails of encouragement. In my ride to the hospital this morning, I was summarizing in my mind all the great lessons I believe we’ve learned from this week and have taken the liberty of elaborating below, however, feel free to stop reading here. I do this for my benefit due to that fact that I display a short memory when I receive good lessons, in no way am I attempting to preach to anyone.

With warmest regards,

R & R

The importance of spiritual family ~ while most of us appreciate that we can count on your biological family (and we do quite abit), God offers us another important family institution. As I remind my kids, “life is a team sport”, we’re just the devil’s bait without the support of spiritual family who over time become your close friends, allies and life team members. We’re so blessed with an abundance of close, key friends who I know, without hesitation would “take-a-bullet” for us and us for them – you can’t get much better than this! As I heard one friend share with me last night “Ron, we're in this with you guys…for life”. Wow, can anyone put the price tag on that sentence? Years of counseling, psychology books and pills, can’t cure a “loneliness wound” like high-worth words of this caliber from friends you’ve invested your life with.

Unfortunately, most people don’t invest in spiritual family because it seems too precarious and fraught with emotional danger – all true! I see it like car insurance – you hate paying those useless monthly premiums…until life throws you a curveball and you actually NEED all the benefits you gain from the policy, then you’re supremely thankful that the policy pays-out. Yet you risk much without spiritual family just like you do if you go without car insurance. Unfortunately most of us don’t realize the benefits because we terminate the process of connecting early on due to misunderstanding, hurt, etc. We forget about all the benefits that will accrue to us when we really need them later on in life.

Feelings are real, but can’t often be trusted. When life throws us a curveball whether it be a car accident, a Down Syndrome child or Monday morning traffic, our feelings can often surge out of control. While we need to acknowledge our feelings, we don’t need to embrace them like a 40 year mortgage. The only thing eternal is God’s word (Isaiah 40:8), everything else is temporary, especially our feelings. However, we’ve all been conditioned to listen and embrace them when we really need to be discipled and grounded in God’s word, viewing our feelings through His word.

Prayer changes things. Though it can appear to be a passive activity, we’re told that prayer generates energy (2 Chronicles 7:14) from the equation (humilit y + prayer – evil stuff = healing). Through praying with God’s word as our aid we acknowledge God’s ability over ours, releasing our fears and anxiety over to the maker of the universe.

Now for the weird stuff. About two weeks before Rebecca gave birth I was lying on my bed, I can’t remember what I was doing, but I think I was reading a John Grisham novel (an extremely rare activity). Just as naturally as having a conversation with friends, I heard the words “Down syndrome”. My response was a slight inward cringe, until I heard the following words “…but it will be okay”. Though I don’t hear the voice of God like this often, I instinctively knew it was Him, because I know other voices never encourage me. Down syndrome had never crossed my mind as it relates to our family, even after having eight children. Amazingly I forgot about this event, until Matthew was born and then I remembered it the moment I saw him. The next 30 minutes were very lonely as I waited for the medical staff to discover and inform Rebecca and only then sharing the above story with her. Yesterday Rebecca was at the hospital alone when the doctor came in with the official blood test results confirming Down syndrome, he then looked at her with caring eye’s and said “…but it will be okay”.

So what’s my lesson from this ~ like all of us, (especially business people), I often rely on my intellect only to inform me; Troubleshooting this, fixing that, living out of a Greek-styled logic and learned intuition to navigate life’s issues. However, an all-knowing God, who sees the beginning and the end, wants to inspire us with His thoughts, purposes and plans ( Luke 4:4). I realize again something very simple – I want more of his thoughts and less of mine. One word from Him changes everything.

Sent: Thursday, December 04, 2008 12:23 AM
Subject: RE: Matthew update

Friends,

Thanks for your prayers! Matthew is improving; however he is still in the ICU. His primary need now is to be weaned off of the level of oxygen that he requires to breathe by about 20%. Rebecca and I both got to hold him today and feed him a bottle of milk.

He’s receiving exceptional care and Rebecca and I are grateful to all of you for the time you spend praying for Matthew.

Strength & Honor,

R

Sent: Monday, December 01, 2008 2:52 PM

Matthew is stable, but still receiving treatment in pediatric ICU for a respiratory ailment called RSV (we brought him to the ER yesterday afternoon after a half-a-day of labored breathing). They are treating him with antibiotics and respiratory treatments, but think that he may be here another couple of nights. While they’ve been treating him medically, all of you have been given him prayer treatments – and we can’t thank you enough! Please continue to pray that his lungs clear, breathing regulates and that all viruses are removed.

Thanks for your love and care,

R & R

Sent: Friday, November 21, 2008 9:02 AM
Subject: Mattie

Dear Friends,

Thank you for your love and prayers for Rebecca and Matthew. Soon after he was born last night the doctor informed us that he showed signs of Downs Syndrome. Looking back, we see that God had specifically prepared us for this news (more on this later).

We embrace Matthew (his name means gift of God), as God's gift to us. No doubt, now and in the future there are and will be emotions that are troubling and real issues to be dealt with, those we face in humble faith in Matthews loving God. However, our hope is high and we feel blessed, knowing that special moments, like hidden gems, await in each new day.

We love you and so appreciate you as our friends and family.

Strength & Honor,

R

The Pain of the Reach

One of my all-time favorite epic films is Ben Hur. Charlton Heston portrays a Jewish aristocrat in the time of Jesus betrayed by his childhood friend who is now commander of the Roman military in Judea. Judah (Ben Hur) is eventually imprisoned and sent off to serve as a slave oarsman on a Roman navy ship. Judah serves for three years chained to the ships under belly rowing with a hundred other pitiful oarsman as the Romans engage in sea battles.

For years I been struck by the place that pain has in our lives. Just the sound of the word causes most of us to cringe. As a charismatic (not sure this definition works for me but its the best one I have) it gets even worse, our theology of suffering and pain has historically been weak, encumbered by the false notion that Jesus died so that we could escape all pain.

Pain means to endure physical, mental or emotional suffering. Other words such as torment, agony and anguish come to mind. The prevalent suffering of us in the west seems to be more about broken relationships, dashed hopes, troubled children, financial troubles, grief, stress, etc. The trouble with pain is that it is so immediate and typically causes everything else to come out of focus, it demands our attention. This is also why physical pain can be such a blessing to us. Think of how many people you know who initially identified a real problem or disease in their body and later had it successfully treated simply due to the ability to feel pain. In these instances pain is a gift, an early indicator that something is wrong.

Judah was feeling pain. Beyond the physical pain he endured he was seething with hatred toward his friend who had dealt with him and his family treacherously. The pain of believing that his mother and sister were now dead. His life once so filled with promise as a prosperous, respected leader now in ashes in the belly of slave ship - everyone and everything of value to him was gone. Seeing life in the moment as pain often forces us to do, his feelings were confirmed. Yet seeing life in totality, the way God views our lives, from beginning to end and on through eternity it was in no way true. Consider this, Judah's pain so very real but his perspective of it was not true.

Through his pain, God was building in Judah capacity for what only God could know was coming later - his destiny in the coliseum. Using the pain of the slave rowers strained reach, day after day, God was building previously unreachable dimensions of ability in preparation for one of Judah's finest moments, but he never would have dreamed it. If you like, catch a glimpse of Judah enduring the pain of his reach here in this video clip.


Therein lies what I'm considering, that with God in our lives, pain has purpose, yes pain can have gain. James hints towards this, "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials (pain) knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience (1:2-3). Pain is God's manufacturing process. God calls us loudly to himself through our pain. And when we process our pain with him it produces patience, endurance, forgiveness, long-suffering, vision...

Nine years ago while praying I found myself suddenly blurting out something like, "Lord, I want to know the fellowship of your suffering" (Philippians 3:10), I quickly caught myself, inwardly shouting NO! Less than one month later, my sweet pregnant wife delivered our little boy Taylor Oran who had died in her womb 12 hours earlier. A knot had formed in his umbilical cord and tightened during his 38th week. Pain, lots of it. I'll leave the rest of this testimony for another time, but today we celebrate the birthday of our now eight year old son who followed, Luke.

What is God producing through the pain of your reach?

p.s. Rebecca just woke-up with this song in her mind - MercyMe - Bring The Rain, listen here ~