How Mom Can Make Her Husband A Better Dad

I was thinking today of a few ways that my wife has helped me be a better dad. While not an exhaustive list of all the things she's done to help me, here are a few thoughts;

1. We pray for the children each day during our prayer time.  This has evolved over 20+ years of marriage, but my wife doesn't guilt me if we don't pray on a particular day, she simply makes herself available and encourages me.
2. Give dad good books to read with your kids during bed time.  Many times my wife will give us a good book or series to read such as "Little House".  Bed time can be such a valuable time for a dad to reconnect with his children through reading and other bedtime rituals (praying, singing, hugging, back scratching, etc.)
3. Don't over-burden your husband when he first comes home with whatever is broken, bills that have arrived, etc.  Give him space and an opportunity to connect with you and the kids on a personal level before adding to his "ever-growing, never ending to-do list". 
4. Defer to and show respect to dad in front of your kids.  After we go out to eat or ice cream or coming home from vacation, my wife will often say to our children in a fun way,... "Let's say thanks to daddy!, he worked hard to get this for us".  While I certainly am not looking for thanks (cause I love to provide for my family), this touches me down deep and teaches our kids to appreciate the things we enjoy.
5. Help your husband with his schedule.  My wife is good about communicating to me about our family schedule, sports matches, recitals, etc. this helps me be strategic with my time and get to the events that will be more important to my kids.
6. Pray for your husband to be the father God wants him to be be.  This method is far more productive than any brow-beating will ever yield.  Some men are not naturally relational and it can take time for God's to soften a guys heart toward his kids.  My wife uses "The Power of a Praying Wife" to pray for me daily.
7. Notice when your husband does fathering well.  Tell him how good it was that he did or said something, encourage (put courage into) him.  When he hears your affirmation (a few hugs wouldn't hurt either at this point) it will all come together for him.

Mom's, you're critical to the practical care and emotional nourishment of your children, but dad's define and his time and words bring weight and wings to a child's life that no other person's can.

What other ways can mom's help dad's become better fathers?

Interior Enhancements

"...Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. But you would have none of it." Isaiah 30:15

The way I often come across a new thought is making a connection between two or more seemingly unrelated items usually within days or weeks of each other. This is also the way God seems to speak to me (correction; the way in which I hear him.  He likely speaks in all sorts of ways, but I'm not such a great listener).

Recently I made the connection of two things I observed. One was my beautiful wife in her usual early morning spot having her devotional time; bible open, and usually, children sprawled all around her. This has been a custom of hers since she was a pre-teen. Recently, I snapped a picture of her in this locale, which would usually invite her scorn.

termites had eaten the entire middle of the tree

Then several days later I was walking in our back woods with my daugther and noticed a tree that had blown down some months before during a strong wind storm.  I had sawed pieces of it off my fence, but hadn't investigated it at the point of seperation, it had previously appeared large and alive.

I discovered that termites had eaten virtually the entire core of the tree, starting at the bottom and working their way up the tree.  When a strong wind storm came the tree had no strength, though it wasn't dead, and was blown over.  This tree "looked" healthy and there was no exterior indication that it was eaten-up inside and had no inner core strength to keep it erect during the storm.

The spiritual connection I made between the two images is now obvious to you I'm sure.  That, without cultivating a strong devotional life our inner core, our soul-person within us gets eaten up, shrinks and weakens our lives.  There are too many pests that can gain entry; pride, selfishness, greed, fear, etc.

We eat several times every day to stay strong, we breath several times per minute to stay alive, how can it be that we go days or weeks without spending meaningful time in quiet reflection, bible open waiting before our Creator?  As with any relationship love is spelled "T-I-M-E".  In my wife's case, if I were asked to point to one quality or habit that aided her most in life (especially in dealing with our large crew and and a peculiar guy like me), it would be this time of santuary she holds so dear.

This was a great reminder for me to continue to focus on my inner life and reinvigorate my spiritual discipline of daily devotionals.  I did this by beginning to journal my reflections during my daily devotional time.  If you need a kick-start, here's a great devotional help I've enjoyed -- Harvest daily devotional.

Your Cornerman

At a recent kickboxing tournament my son was fighting in I grew more interested watching the cornermen coaching the fighters than watching the actual fights.  These were my first live, organized fights to attend, I had never been so close to action.  

Sometimes things get rough in the corner...

Fighting is analgous to life in so many ways.  There is nothing more raw than entering a ring and knowing that you alone will contend against one man.  It's not a team sport inside the ring, one man will dominate and one man will be defeated.  

Here's what struck me about the relationship between the fighter and his "corner".

The cornerman;

Knocked down...his corner coaching him to get up!

• wants you to win! He's invested in you in every way, has spent hours helping you perfect your skills and grow your ability.
• has a vantage point that the you cannot possess.  You have to trust that he sees and knows the truth about what you are and are not doing to win.
• is soley focused on you; nothing distracts him and you are his singular mission.
• has no time to mince words.  In the 60 seconds between rounds he tells you exactly what you need to do to win the fight.  
• is not trying to get you to like him, but soley wants you to survive and win the match.
• may have been a fighter, or maybe not.  One thing he knows however is what it takes to win in your fight.

Here's what I noticed about the fighters in relationship to their corners.

Cornerman giving quick instruction...

• they were in total dependence on their cornermen; they trusted them.
• they submitted to them, they understood their need for advice and physical support.
• there was no time for dialogue, the fighters listened to their coaches.
• most importantly, the fighter ask's for this type of relationship, he needs and wants a tough cornerman.

There was a moment in taking these images that I became envious of the fighters.  These men had the total attention of one man who at that moment knew what needed to be done and was invested in them to win.  How many guys in the ring of life have that; most want it desperately but don't know how or where to find it.  I contend that this kind of relationship is found in authentic brotherhood of Christian men who are willing to barenuckle each other with the truth.  Not because they want to dominate but because they love them and want them to win in life.

Your corner wants you to win!

Spiritually, for Christians, the Holy Spirit is our Counselor, and cornerman.  He's always coaching us toward winning in Christ and tells us the truth of ourselves and God.

Thanks for visiting.

Study: Happiness Good for the Heart - WebMD Health News

Study: Happiness Good for the Heart

Whether you view the glass as half empty or half full may help determine your risk for heart disease.

Just as negative emotions such as depression, anger, and hostility are risk factors for heart attack and stroke, happiness seems to protect the heart.

Here's the summary of key findings;

* Express gratitude on a regular basis.
* Practice being optimistic.
* Engage in frequent acts of kindness.
* Visualize one's best self.
* Savor joyful events.
* Practice forgiveness.

The Power of Focus...What Are You Thinking On

Philippians 4:8 (The Message)

Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

While speaking with a friend last night, I realized once again (since I've known this person for years), that they have carried a weight of thinking and fearing for the worst in their lives. As we talked I came to relearn that at a young age she had endured great pain through the loss of a parent and then later the tragic death of her aunt and uncle that she had been very close to.

What dawned on me was that she has carried this fear of loss and tragedy all of her life and had never walked through a process of healing from these wounds. Someone said long ago that we will either live from our wounds or live from the Word (of God) and after 44 years of life, 21 years of marriage, 9 children, the loss of a son and my father I find this statement entirely true. While we can't control every thought that makes it's way into our minds we certainly control the ones that we park on.

This has application with our spouses and friends. No doubt there are negative areas in these relationships, but most of them cannot be cured by our relentless study and rehearsing of them. "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up..." I personally don't encourage those around me nearly enough, but once in a while a I wake up and when I do I always feel a warm breeze in my heart.

I highly endorse the 4:8 Project!