Grandpa Dug A Well...And Found A Legacy

In 1905 a young, barely 19 year old Norwegian boy stepped off of a ship with hundreds of other immigrants to Ellis Island in New York's busy harbor, eyes wide and bright.  Born in 1886 to humble surroundings in Arendal Norway, Ole had heard of the freedom and riches of America since he was a young boy, how someone with no family wealth or station had the opportunity to work hard and enjoy the fruit of his labor.

By 1912 Ole had met a Norwegian girl from Arendal named Andora at a local Lutheran church, they married and began a family.  Years earlier with the help of other family that had immigrated prior to him, he started work as a carpenter and worked at one of the many shipyards that dotted the harbors of Manhattan and Brooklyn.

My mom is the littlest girl in this picture

By 1926 Ole had several daughters and began building a small cottage in Hopewell Junction New York in the Hudson River Valley area, also know as Fishkill.  By now you've figured out that Ole is my grandfather and while I wasn't born until some forty years later in the 1960's, I began enjoying his mountain home soon after I was born.  I can only imagine that in his heart and grandma's they longed for the mountain terrain that they had known in Norway, especially during the crowded and hot Brooklyn summers.  It's not uncommon even now in Norway for families to have a second small home in the mountains that they visit in the summertime. 

Then

My earliest memories begin in the summers with grandpa and grandma and my family.  At that time, we used an outhouse for a bathroom and a well for drinking water.  In fact, one of the first things grandpa did once he decided to build on this land was to dig for water, as I'm sure was common in that day, since a clean and dependable water source was crucial when considering building a home.  Our days were filled with playing in the woods, burning the trash (my favorite chore) and picking fresh berries for grandma to can or to make some delicious pie or pudding.

Now

My family and I recently visited the cottage lovingly updated and beautifully kept by my cousin and his wife.  They've raised their children there and are enjoying semi-retirement.  I hadn't been there in nearly 20 years and afterward my mind began to wander.

I wondered whether grandpa had ever thought while digging that well that generations to follow would be enjoying his home years later.  I wondered if he viewed his life generationally, if they ever comprehended the men and women that would be born through he and grandma.  I wondered if he realized that with six daughters he would have eighteen grandchildren and over forty great grandchildren.  I suspect they did, since my sister said that once grandma had told her that she had prayed for her grandchildren before they were born.  Grandpa and grandma weren't fancy, but rather simple, God-loving Lutherans, he a craftsman carpenter, she a homemaker and before that a cleaning maid for the wealthier women of New York City.  Yet, through their simplicity and steadfastness they remained married for over sixty years and produced a legacy of faithfulness to God.  Subsequently, through their lives and marriage they passed down to their lineage a devotion to faith and marriage that, has seemed to anchor the 25 plus marriages that were to proceed them.  I haven't deciphered exactly what the source of their stability was that flowed from these two, but I have suspected that their Christian faith, a strong community of believers and simple living were significant contributors.

These are some of Ole & Andora's grandchildren and great grandchildren through his 6th and youngest daughter my mom (center).

I stand grateful that I was down stream from these two.  I can't begin to recount the many blessings that I enjoy because of what they sowed into their children and grandchildren. 

I heard recently that when God wants to make a mushroom he waits 6 hours but when he wants to make a oak tree he waits 60 years.  God plus time makes beautiful things.

Passage - Calling Young Men to Manhood

Christian & Ben

The last month two of my son's have had significant milestones that we've enjoyed memorializing in special ways.

First, my second son Ben graduated from High School in late May.  We began planning a home party and barbecue but he grew uncomfortable with that idea and instead asked for a small dinner with some men  and young guys that have been a part of his life.  I organized this group of men and I asked them to consider bringing advice and wisdom for Ben.  We gathered at a nice resturant and began to enjoy a meal.  While we ate, many of the older guys shared stories from their college days, usually highlighting something they would have done differently or a fun memory.

my older sons

I spoke about Christian and then I spoke to him

My third son Christian turned 13 in April and I organized a camping trip to Hanging Rock State Park in June.  There were a few other sons of dads who were turning 13 or 14 so we invited about 6 other families along. At this ceremony, held the second night, I shared with Christian three things; Why I love him, Why I'm proud of him and Why I know he has what it takes to be a man.  It's important for a boy (and a man) to have these life-long questions settled in his heart and it's such a blessing to hear them from the most important man in your life, dad.  It's been my tradition to plan a special passage ceremony for my son's at the ages of 13, 18 and prior to their wedding week (though none have made it that far yet).  Also, around the age of 15, I take my sons to an incredibly special father-son, week long adventure in Jackson Hole Wyoming called Christ in the Tetons.

These moments of calling my sons up to manhood have been some of the most precious moments of my life.  The older ones have gone from being my little buddies, then crazy teenagers and now, so gratefully, my close friends and allies.  All of us too often simply let life happen without recognizing the transitions that are happening around us, like a boy becoming a man.  While I still make huge mistakes with my young men and am still learning much, I encourage you to be intentional and strategic during this time in your sons life.

p.s. for those who are real adventurous or who live "down under", checkout my good friend's organization Fathering Adventures in Australia.

p.s.s. also a great resource in understanding the boyhood to manhood journey is Robert Lewis' classic book Raising a Modern Day Knight

The Top 5 Things My Dad Did Right

In our hyper-self-centered world the focus on our childhood's can often be on what we would have done differently or what we lacked growing-up.  No doubt, there's been some pretty bad stories I've heard about fathers, but I'd like to focus this post on the top things my dad did well in raising his 5 children.

dad & me

5. He married-up! Mom was and is beautiful and talented.  A wonderful pianist, servant-doer and administrator.  Versus the typical husband and wife roles, he might have been more heart and her a little more head, because without her little would have gotten done.  Yet, in my view they truly complemented each other.  It also was a gift, given today's environment, that they stayed married.

4. Despite working for decades in the rough and tumble world of the NYC construction trade, he was a lover. There was no natural reason he should have been the kind of man he was, he took alot of guff growing up in NYC his entire life.  Yet, he loved people and was a natural encourager.

3. He initiated spiritual discussions. He was famous for opening a talk with 'isn't it amazing...' and then would go on about some quality about God or being a Christian.

2. He prayed for us. I remember him putting me to bed nearly every night. Telling me stories and intimately praying with and for me.  None of that "now I lay me down to sleep" stuff for him, he prayed from his heart. Many times also I remember his heavy tradesman's hand on my forehead praying for me early in the morning before he left for work.

1. The best thing my dad did that made him a great dad was, he lived for God.  He wasn't perfect - far from it (like me!). Yet, despite his faults, his heart beat for serving Christ. He loved the bible, serving others and leading others in song. All of his children have similar hearts.

"Poppy" 20 years ago with grand daughter Lynea"

 Reflecting on my list, you don't see anything having to do with houses, car's or paying for private school or high-end colleges, often things that dads are prone to obesses over.  A good reminder that a successful dad is not required to be winner on the corporate ladder.

Thanks for being a good dad. Thanks for encouraging a dad. Thanks for raising good, future dads.


For a little more on my dad and mom's story see my post called Home.

How Mom Can Make Her Husband A Better Dad

I was thinking today of a few ways that my wife has helped me be a better dad. While not an exhaustive list of all the things she's done to help me, here are a few thoughts;

1. We pray for the children each day during our prayer time.  This has evolved over 20+ years of marriage, but my wife doesn't guilt me if we don't pray on a particular day, she simply makes herself available and encourages me.
2. Give dad good books to read with your kids during bed time.  Many times my wife will give us a good book or series to read such as "Little House".  Bed time can be such a valuable time for a dad to reconnect with his children through reading and other bedtime rituals (praying, singing, hugging, back scratching, etc.)
3. Don't over-burden your husband when he first comes home with whatever is broken, bills that have arrived, etc.  Give him space and an opportunity to connect with you and the kids on a personal level before adding to his "ever-growing, never ending to-do list". 
4. Defer to and show respect to dad in front of your kids.  After we go out to eat or ice cream or coming home from vacation, my wife will often say to our children in a fun way,... "Let's say thanks to daddy!, he worked hard to get this for us".  While I certainly am not looking for thanks (cause I love to provide for my family), this touches me down deep and teaches our kids to appreciate the things we enjoy.
5. Help your husband with his schedule.  My wife is good about communicating to me about our family schedule, sports matches, recitals, etc. this helps me be strategic with my time and get to the events that will be more important to my kids.
6. Pray for your husband to be the father God wants him to be be.  This method is far more productive than any brow-beating will ever yield.  Some men are not naturally relational and it can take time for God's to soften a guys heart toward his kids.  My wife uses "The Power of a Praying Wife" to pray for me daily.
7. Notice when your husband does fathering well.  Tell him how good it was that he did or said something, encourage (put courage into) him.  When he hears your affirmation (a few hugs wouldn't hurt either at this point) it will all come together for him.

Mom's, you're critical to the practical care and emotional nourishment of your children, but dad's define and his time and words bring weight and wings to a child's life that no other person's can.

What other ways can mom's help dad's become better fathers?

Discovering A Passion

My son had another fighting tournament.  He's extremely disciplined and competed in the over 18 year old division which meant he'd be fighting older (usually 20 something) guys.

The short version is he had a great day.  He fought 3 fights; the first was won by decision, the second my TKO (technical knock out) and the third, well, let's just say he didn't know what hit him near the end of the second round.  But I did,...a quick left
hook to his head that came out of nowhere to drop him to the ground.  This was the first time that he'd ever been knocked out.  He quickly got up around the count of 7, but as the referee scanned his eye's he made a good call and stopped the fight, 5 seconds before the end of round 2.

While my wife and I have done just about everything to discourage our son's interest in fighting sports, we've come to realize that this is what he loves.  We've come to see that it's what makes him come alive.  It's a testimony to the saying that goes something like; "find something to do with you life that you love and you'll never have to go to "work".

At a deeper level however, Howard Thurman once wrote, "Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go and do that... because what the world needs is men who have come alive."  I think of my son and his fighting passion when I think of this marvelous quote, since, when he trains or fights it seems effortless,...especially on my part.  When training he is imminently focused, more so than when he is doing anything else...like studying in high school. When it comes to virtually anything he may need to do other than this passion, at this stage in his life, I just about need to use a whip and a chair (think lions in the circus) to get him to do it.  But!, he'll joyously taste blood and take rounds of pounding on his body in the ring if the suffering could possibly lead to victory.  When asked by His disciples about why He wasn't eating, Jesus said, "I have food that you don't know about".  I've always taken that to mean, that Jesus had internal resources (vision, faith, determination) that sustained him, even when His body was calling out for physical nourishment.  Far too many men find themselves stuck in situations and jobs that extract all the life from them.

Note the Dad's concern and the son's joy

On another post I may explore why so many men, in particular, are vision less, have little passion and seem to be like "the walking dead".  I think wives and churches have a particular calling and ability to help their husbands  and men enjoy a resurrection of their passions and dreams.



I'm proud of my son and appreciate what he's teaching me.  Thanks for reading.