Advice To A Young Man

Here's a recent note I wrote to my young nephew Josh who just joined the Army this week.  My wonderful sister and her husband had a going away party for him.  Since we were unable to be with them and knowing him from the time he was a young boy, I penned the following letter to him;

Dear Joshua,


The big day is nearing. Here a just a few thoughts for you to take with you.

1.  You will be tempted to quit, likely more than once. Don't.

2.  You will be tempted to do some things that wouldn't want anyone(especially your mother) to know. Don't.

3.  You will be tempted to think that God has stopped caring about you. Don't.

1. a) Know that much of life (thereby any sort of success) is just "showing-up" and getting the unglamourous things done, every day, the same way, without fail...not really fun. They are boring strokes that often times you think they mean nothing. They mean something - sometimes they mean EVERTHING. And anyone who has achieved anything finds a way to find glory in the mundane.


2. a)  Life is a test. We often fail the tests, but then (because of His love) God takes us through the class again. He never promotes to the next level until we pass the class we're in. You will be tested and tested and tested alot. You will be tempted to sin....alot.  If you think you can resist by yourself, you will learn that you are wrong...alot. The Christian life is a sport...a team sport, it is very dangerous to play by yourself.  Immediately, find a church, bible study, fellowship (you get the idea) to attend...alot, and stay with them.


3. a) You've been taught all of your life that God has a unique and special destiny for you life. Your name means "Yahweh will save".  In fact, your namesake (Joshua) 3,000 years ago had the guts, to enter dangerous territory for God's glory to secure his destiny. When the crowd would not go along with he and Caleb's plan, he stood against them, imploring them to take God at His word. But they were cowards and didn't want to believe God for His promises, they preferred to live safe, small and earthy lives. Live-up to your namestake - Joshua!

We love you, we're proud of you and know that you will make a great and courageous soldier. You are always welcome in our home.

No, Is A Holy Word

Over the years I've taught my family a phrase that now get's repeated to me often, 

"No...is a holy word." 

Enjoying a "Dad versus Wild" Outing

With a large family there are MANY opportunities to do alot of things, often alot of  "good" things.  In fact, I often think I've earned a masters degree in logistics or decision analysis with this bunch.  But anyone with a family or a business understands that when you say "yes" to something, you're are likely, often times without knowing it, saying "no" to something else.  

My other thought here is, as Jim Collins says in his book Good TO Great, "Good is the enemy of great".  He suggests for instance that, we don't have great families because we've settled for good families or we don't have great relationships because we somewhere decided to settle for good relationships, we don't have great churches because we have good churches.  Good is your enemy of great. 


When we settle for good we've left something wonderful that will never be discovered, left unwrapped, possibly forever.  When we say no to things that may not pertain to our focus area or family calling it leaves our brain/soul space or weekly schedule open to that which makes us come alive, possibly that which we were born to do, be, become.  Besides, who says that every stitch of time needs to be filled with activity?  In fact, for some people their constant activity is likely a sign of other troubles.


From another angle, my wife's wonderful saying, which often pertains to our children is; "Everyone needs their daily dose of vitamin NO.  I like this, it helps them know, that despite how much we love them, hug them and would storm hell with a water pistol for them...life is not about them and the world does not revolve around them.


So what kind of things do you say no to that brings life to your family?

Dad Champions

This is one of my all-time favorites.  I first learned about Dick Hoyt father of Rick who was born with Cerebral Palsey years ago at a PromisKeepers event.  When he was young, Rick told his dad that he wanted to run a 5K race and that was all his dad needed to hear, they did....and never stopped.  Rick told his dad that, "when he ran races, he didn't feel disabled".  Again, that was all dad needed to hear.  Now in his 60's Dick is still running...and cycling...and swimming with Rick.  Asked now years later saying simply, "I just wanted to be the best Dad for my family".

Such rare nobility in a dad, but not really so.  Nobility is seen and felt everyday, possibly in smaller, but no less important ways as dad's sacrifice, work and deny themselves to love, provide and bless their families.  In small acts and large, dads are and become champions each day.  But no one is following them around with video camera, highlighting these acts (oh, but Tiger get's press when he torpedoes his family).

The other aspect of this video that you'll receive is the fatherhood of God.  Whether your father memories are wonderful or sour, when the music combines with the images, please drink in the unconditional love of your heavenly father who loves you...for you, and is running, riding and swimming...pulling you all the way to himself.  We are all (spiritually) helpfuless like Rick, we can't do anything to change the condition we were born into...total selfishness and sin.  BUT, our father is our champion and hero...getting us to the finish line by his amazing grace provided through Jesus Christ.

My sweet Mattie has Downs Syndrome and I can't wait to be his champion!

Love Is Verb...

"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything"...a section of I Corinthians 13.

About once a year my kids and I catch the original version of Yours, Mine and Ours, we did again over this Thanksgiving holiday. This movie was made in the 60's with Lucy Arnez and Henry Fonda and is based on a true story of two widowers who had large families. Lucy was apparently quite powerful then, her name shows first on the credits and her own studio bought the rights to the movie. She was feeling that people needed a good family movie since at the time there was so much focus on sex in other pictures. It was this movie that paved the way for the success of the Brady Bunch.

There is one scene that for years has resonated with me and always makes a strange lump appear in my throat when it arrives. If you haven't seen it here's the set-up. Both of these parents of large families are widowed and decide to marry. They conceive a baby together and on the night of the baby's arrival Mr. Beardsley is awakened. As he hurrily prepares to take Mrs. Beardsley to the hospital to deliver the baby he finds his teenage daughters' boyfriend fist-fighting with his teenage son. Apparently the boyfriend was mocking Beardsley's daughter because she wouldn't do whatever he was wanting late that night and he was frustrated, thinking her a prude. Now enjoy the scene and his talk about what love really is...

Yours, Mine & Ours Scene...


I've often questioned myself, based on I Corinthians and the above clip, if I even loved my wife when we first got married. Since what I now understand to be real love, is nothing close what I understood 20 1/2 years ago.

What I have come to understand just a little, is; that to really love we must accept the paradox, "die to live".

Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. (Luke 9:23 NIV)

"Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting". (Ephesians 5:25 The Message)

More later...